To the Left, To the Left

In celebration of fall, the ColeTries gang headed to an apple orchard. Of course, the main attraction is the apples themselves, which you pick, place in a bag, and allow to rot in the back of your car. Or, in rare cases, you give them to your friend Stacy even though her birthday present to you just a week earlier was the worst thing you’ve ever tasted.

This adventure took us to the All Seasons Apple Orchard in Woodstock, Illinois. The land was littered with attractions that ranged from mildly amusing (giant wooden animal sculptures and large rolling tubes) to very amusing (petting zoo and swingsets). One of the most entertaining things for my friends, apparently, was to watch me fail at the zipline contraptions they had. Pretty much every available activity exposed my unflattering midriff–you’ve been warned.

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Apple picking itself was about as entertaining as grocery shopping, except all the aisles are grassy and covered with rotting fruit, and the groceries are really hard to reach. Actually, though, it was pretty fun!

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The orchard’s corn maze caught our eye, so we walked up to the entrance where a young lady instructed us that there were two phases. Phase 1 which was “significantly easier” would only occupy us for about 15 minutes. Phase 2 was about 45 minutes. Both mazes had trivia sheets in a variety of categories with questions that corresponded to poles within the maze. If you reached a pole, you had to simply answer the question. The correct answer would tell you which direction to turn. The wrong ones would misdirect you. We chose the “Music, Movies, and TV” category, and the questions were laughably easily, due in large part to my genius. I mean, come on, who doesn’t know that “Dancing Queen” is by ABBA?


Hungry for a challenge, we opted to attempt phase 2, much to Dylan’s dismay (he wanted to ride a small train painted to look like cows). We started off strong, remembering where we’d already been and generally keeping ourselves oriented towards the end of the maze. After about 10 minutes, we found our first pole, correctly identified New Zealand as the primary filming location of Lord of the Rings, and continued. After another 5 or so minutes, we encountered a group of very small humans accompanied by a few adults. They were answering questions such as “Which animals had their houses blown down by the big bad wolf?” To which, of course, the correct answer is that fairy tales are not real so nobody blew any houses down. Just a few minutes after this encounter, we emerged from the maze. I confronted the young lady at the entrance:

“You said phase 2 would take us 45 minutes. This just took us 15 and we exited out of phase 1.”

Thankfully, her knowledge dispelled any confusion: “Um, I didn’t know they connected.” Glorious. Frustrated, we chose not to try again, and instead decided to buy apple cider and donuts. I call that a win.


In my next post, I give up the hot seat and let another member of the crew try something new as we continue to celebrate autumn!