This Mother’s Day, Erin and I took our maternal units to Royal Palms Chicago for a taste of Florida’s finest offering: shuffleboard.

Royal Palms boasts particularly Floridian decor, to the point of featuring a corner station where guest can don tropical accessories. We didn’t partake, save for one exception that became quite obvious in the group photo:


During our time at Royal Palms, here’s what we learned:

1. Tang, Tang, Tangity Tang

The shuffling device, as the uninitiated may call it, is actually called a tang. The reason for this is absolutely nothing.


2. Booking dot NO

Royal Palms only takes reservations for groups of 10 or more, so going during non-peak hours is your best bet to get your shuffle on. You can only book the court for an hour at a time, so the line moves along at a reasonable pace. Pro tip: our coach said that Friday and Saturday nights can reach five-hour wait times, but Sunday isn’t nearly as crowded.

3. Think Outside the Lines

In shuffleboard, any shot that touches a line doesn’t count for any points, even if the majority of the puck lands within the scoring zone.


4. Stay Out of the Kitchen

The bottom section of the scoring zone, denoted by “10” and “off,” is bad, mkay? If you land within it, it’s worth negative 10 points.

5. Everybody Sucks…

In the words of our coach, “The only way to be really good is to move to Florida and play every day.” These words rang true, and shuffleboard turned out to be quite an equalizer. Every game was super close, and our randomly chosen teams always proved a good match-up.

6. …But Mother Knows Best

In the final game, my mom and Erin’s mom absolutely DESTROYED, racking up points during every single frame. Here they are celebrating: